COLLEGE FINALS FROM HELL


Instructions: Read each question carefully. Answer all questions. Time Limit: 4 hours.


HISTORY

Describe the history of the papacy from its origins to the present day, concentrating especially, but not exclusively, on its social, political, economic, religious, and philosophical impact on Europe, Asia, America, and Africa. Be brief, concise, and specific.

ELECTRICAL ENGINEERING

You will be placed in a nuclear reactor and given a partial copy of the electrical layout. The electrical system has been tampered with. You have seventeen minutes to find the problem and correct it before the reactor melts down.

MEDICINE

You have been provided with a razor blade, a piece of gauze, and a bottle of Scotch. Remove your appendix. Do not suture until your work has been inspected.You have 15 minutes.

PUBLIC SPEAKING

Twenty-five hundred riot-crazed aborigines are storming the classroom. Calm them. You may use any ancient language except Latin or Greek.

BIOLOGY

Create life. Estimate the differences in subsequent human culture if this form of life had developed 500 million years earlier, with special attention to its probable effect on the English parliamentary system. Prove your thesis.

CIVIL ENGINEERING

This is practical test of your design and building skill. With the boxes of toothpicks and glue present, build a platform that will support your weight when you and your platform are suspended over a vat of nitric acid.

MUSIC

Write a piano concerto. Orchestrate and perform it with flute and drum. You will find a piano under your seat.

PSYCHOLOGY

Based on your degree of knowledge of their works, evaluate the emotional stability, degree of adjustment, and repressed frustrations of each of the following: Alexander of Aphrodisias, Rameses II, Gregory of Nicea, Hammurabi. Support your evaluations with quotations from each man's work, making appropriate references. It is not necessary to translate.

CHEMISTRY

You must identify a poison sample which you find at your lab table. All necessary equipment has been provided. There are two beakers at your desk, one of which holds the anitdote. If the wrong substance is used, it causes instant death. You may begin as soon as the professor injects you with a sample of the poison. (This will give you an incentive to find the correct answer.)

SOCIOLOGY

Estimate the sociological problems which might accompany the end of the world. Construct an experiment to test your theory.

MANAGEMENT SCIENCE

Define management. Define science. How do they relate? Why? Create a generalized algorithm to optimize all managerial decisions. Assuming an 1130 CPU supporting 50 terminals, each terminal to activate your algorithm; design the communications interface and all necessary control programs.

ECONOMICS I

Describe in four hundred words or less what you would have done to prevent the Great Depression.

MECHANICAL ENGINEERING

The disassembled parts of a high-powered rifle have been placed in a box on your desk. You will also find an instruction manual, printed in Swahili. In ten minutes a hungry Bengal tiger will be admitted to the room. Take whatever action you feel is appropriate. Be prepared to justify your decision.

ECONOMICS II

Develop a realistic plan for refinancing the national debt. Trace the possible effects of your plan in the following areas: Cubism, the Donatist controversy, the wave theory of light. Outline a method for preventing these effects. Criticize this method from all possible points of view. Point out the deficiencies in your point of view, as demonstrated in your answer to the last question.

MATHEMATICS

Derive the Euler-Cauchy equations using only a straightedge and compass. Discuss in detail the role these equations had on mathematical analysis in Europe during the 1800's. Be Brief.

POLITICAL SCIENCE

There is a red telephone on the desk beside you. Start World War III. Report at length on its socio-political effects, if any.

RELIGION

Perform a miracle. Creativity will be judged.

ART

Given one eight-count box of crayons and three sheets of notebook paper, recreate the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. Skin tones should be true to life.

EPISTEMOLOGY

Take a position for or against truth. Prove the validity of your position

PHYSICS

Explain the nature of matter. Include in your answer an evaluation of the impact of the development of mathematics on science.

METAPHYSICS

Describe in detail the probably nature of life after death. Test your hypothesis.

PHILOSOPHY

Sketch the development of human thought; estimate its significance. Compare with the development of any other kind of thought.

GENERAL KNOWLEDGE

Describe in detail. Be objective and specific.

*** EXTRA CREDIT ***

Define the universe; give three examples.

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Author: Unknown
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