Dictionary of the sexes

Yes: No
No: Yes
Maybe: No
I'm sorry.: You'll be sorry.
We need: I want
It's your decision: The correct decision should be obvious by now.
Do what you want: You'll pay for this later.
We need to talk: I need to complain
Sure... go ahead: I don't want you to.
I'm not upset: Of course I'm upset, you moron!
You're ... so manly: You need a shave and you sweat a lot.
You're certainly attentive tonight: Is sex all you ever think about?
Be romantic, turn out the lights: I have flabby thighs.
This kitchen is so inconvenient: I want a new house.
I want new curtains: and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.....
Hang the picture there: NO, I mean hang it there!
I heard a noise: I noticed you were almost asleep.
Do you love me?: I'm going to ask for something expensive.
How much do you love me?: I did something today you're really not going to like.
I'll be ready in a minute.: Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV.
Is my butt fat?: Tell me I'm beautiful.
You have to learn to communicate.: Just agree with me.
Are you listening to me!?: [Too late, you're dead.]
Was that the baby?: Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep.
I'm not yelling!: Yes I am yelling because I think this is important.

I'm hungry.: I'm hungry.
I'm sleepy: I'm sleepy.
I'm tired.: I'm tired.
Do you want to go to a movie?: I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
Can I take you out to dinner?: I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
Can I call you sometime?: I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
May I have this dance?: I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
Nice dress!: Nice cleavage!
You look tense, let me give you a massage.: I want to fondle you.
What's wrong?: 1. I don't see why you are making such a big deal out of this.; 2. What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?; 3. I guess sex tonight is out of the question.
I'm bored.: Do you want to have sex?
I love you.: Let's have sex now.
I love you, too.: Okay, I said it...we'd better have sex now!
Yes, I like the way you cut your hair.: 1. I liked it better before.; 2. $50 and it doesn't look that much different!
Let's talk.: I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me.
Will you marry me?: I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys.
{when shopping}"I like that one better.": Pick any freakin' dress and let's go home!
I don't think that blouse and that skirt go well together.: I am gay.

Author: Unknown
Source: Hoochie