A contest was held for people to submit their theories on any subject.
Below are the winners:
3rd RUNNER-UP:
Why Yawning Is Contagious: You yawn to equalize the pressure on your eardrums. This pressure change outside your eardrums unbalances other people's ear pressures, so they then yawn to even it out.
2nd RUNNER-UP:
Communist China is technologically underdeveloped because they have no alphabet and therefore cannot use acronyms to communicate technical ideas at a faster rate.
1st RUNNER-UP:
The earth will spin faster on its axis due to deforestation Just as a figure skater's rate of spin increases when the arms are brought in close to the body, the cutting of tall trees will cause our planet to spin dangerously fast.
** HONORABLE MENTION**:
The quantity of consonants used in the English language is constant. If omitted in one place, they turn up in another. When a Bostonian "pahks his cah," the lost R's migrate southwest, causing a Texan to "warsh" his car and invest in "erl" wells.
1st PLACE:
If an infinite number of rednecks riding in an infinite number of pickup trucks fire an infinite number of shotgun rounds at an infinite number of highway signs, they will eventually produce all the world's great literary works in Braille.
GRAND PRIZE WINNER:
When a cat is dropped, it always lands on its feet, and when toast is dropped, it always lands with the buttered side facing down. If you strap buttered toast to the back of a cat the two will hover, spinning inches above the ground. With a giant buttered cat array as a power supply, a high-speed monorail could easily link New York with Chicago.